


Fade from Youth

by leere



Series: Pixelated Dreams [2]
Category: Skinjacker - Neal Shusterman
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Ghosts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2018-12-29 21:50:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12094143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leere/pseuds/leere
Summary: It takes years, but he's eventually able to track her down.





	Fade from Youth

**Author's Note:**

> This was gonna be the sort of epilogue to the original fic, but I decided to make it it's own work after it got long and took on a mind of its own. I might make this a trilogy - I've got a idea I'm pretty excited about. Too bad this fandom's nonexistent, really, because the source content's got so much potential. Damn.
> 
> Anyway, so the canon divergence tag is because the first part of this series is supposed to fit right into the second book, but for this second part to happen, the third book would have to be altered significantly. The only way it could possibly occur would be if Johnnie-O actually did jump out on that big old deadspot when he wanted to, and then wandered off and didn't help out during the final war. Or if he bailed on Nick towards the end of the second book and left, right before ending up on the Hindenburg. I implied the former in this fic. Point is, this second part's not at all realistic, but it felt like a sound ending, so whatever. Pretend it works.
> 
> Title from iii by Foster the People. Wanted to share a part of the song, 'cause it's relevant to the story, I think:
> 
> "And I won't be afraid to never know  
> When the night will come and take us home  
> And people change, we fade from youth  
> And evolve into eternal life  
> Don't slip away, I'm begging you  
> To let me sing with angels."
> 
> Note: Finished this at 2 am to make sure Ao3 won't delete the draft, which expires tomorrow. I'm a dumbass who doesn't keep a second copy. Gonna edit the ending tomorrow to fix it up, it's probably a mess, but I'm fucking tired g'nite enjoy I guss.

Something changed between them after that; it was unspoken, but they both knew it. They were kinder to each other. Nick noticed, too; at one point, just a few days before the Graceland incident, he'd playfully nudged Johnnie, getting chocolate all over the arm of his jacket in the process, and teased, "What's going on between you and Zin, dude?" 

Johnnie had replied with a shrug.

He didn't find out about Zin's fate until much later, but he hoped for the best and thought of her often once Charlie and him ended up on that damned airship. Their goodbye had been brief, since Nick was there, looming in all his chocolate-y glory, but when Johnnie felt like he was losing his sanity with each verse of Charlie's song, he held onto the look that had been in Zin's eyes when she'd told him, "This is a war we ain't gonna lose, kid," as her parting words. It helped him a lot. He may have forgotten his friends, both the ones he'd had while living and the ones he'd made in the afterlife, but he didn't forget those words.

* * *

Later, years later, once the war was over, Mary had been defeated, and Allie the Outcast no longer wandered Everlost, Johnnie was able to find Zin. It took over a decade; days and weeks and months of wandering, looking at passing faces, peering into every single window on every single house in the South, in hopes of finding her. Eventually, just when he was about to start heading North, he met a gullible nine-year-old skinjacker named Topsy and more or less tricked him into searching for her. That was when he found her.

She was in Atlanta, Georgia. When Topsy told him he'd found her college registration online, Johnnie, who was infamous for his no-nonsense attitude, nearly  _hugged_  him.

He was in West Virginia at that time. It took eight days to reach Atlanta, but he hardly minded walking, and time was a fleshie concept anyway, so to him, it didn't take too long to reach the address Topsy had given him.

It was a small house, with a cute white picket fence encircling it and a willow tree in the front. It must have been a rental, because it was a pastel pinkish color, and Johnnie was sure that if Zin actually owned it, she'd have painted it a darker color by now. According to Topsy, she'd been there for over a year. Johnnie was surprised she'd moved into a pink home in the first place, but maybe it was the only house around in her budget.

The driveway was empty. Johnnie could only hope she wasn't currently away, since Topsy had informed him that she was in the military, which was hardly a surprise. Still, he knew he would wait for years if that was how long it took her to return. He'd come this far.

Johnnie located a small deadspot a little ways down the road, tried not to think about who had died in order to create it, and began to wait.

Around six pm, a black Honda came barreling down the street, right at Johnnie. He didn't move from his spot, but he winced as the automobile passed through his immaterial body. He hated the sensation, even if it had mostly stopped bothering him since he'd grown accustomed to it over the years.

The Honda pulled into Zin's driveway, and Johnnie stood up and started running, eager to get a look at her.

The woman who stepped out of car was not Zin. This was a young blonde-haired woman, with sparkling blue eyes and curly tresses, dressed in a romper and heels. Johnnie frowned at the unfamiliar outfit, briefly thinking,  _Damn, this is what gals wear nowadays?_ before his attention returns to the woman, because she's saying, "C'mon, babe, we're gonna miss it!"

"I'll be right there," a muffled voice answered, in an all-too-familiar but slightly-faded Southern accent, and if Johnnie had a heart, it would've stopped. 

Out of the car stepped the dead girl who had changed Johnnie's life, only she was alive now and, even more bizarrely, she was a  _woman_. Zinnia Kitner, in his memory a perpetually impish and twig-like fourteen-year-old, now stood significantly taller than the admittedly rather short Johnnie, when they'd been level before. Her brown hair, once cut so short her ever-present hat had nearly hid it completely, now flowed freely and fell to her mid-back, wavy and shiny and beautiful. She was dressed in tight-fitting jeans and a dark green blouse, and though she was still thin and slightly rail-like, her body had filled out significantly after being given the chance to finish going through puberty. Her form was womanly, and Johnnie could appreciate its beauty from a general standpoint, though the sight was slightly unnerving to him, if only because of how utterly unfamiliar it was. 

This woman,  _Zin_ , slammed the car door and looked at her friend. "Why ya just standin' there? You dragged me home to watch yer show, go watch it!" 

Johnnie put a hand over his mouth, shocked rigid at the sound of her voice. It nearly sounded the same. She was a little more comprehensible, luckily, but her accent was still there, and her tone and pitch had hardly changed. Johnnie realized he was knee-deep in the asphalt, and he cursed, but kept his eyes trained on Zin as he struggled to yank his legs from the ground.

Zin's friend grinned at her and bolted for the front door, but Zin lingered, arms crossed over her chest, watching her friend with a small smile.

Johnnie bit his lip and approached her, slowly. She was real pretty, he knew. Guys were probably all over her. She was even wearing a little makeup, which was shocking to Johnnie, but it looked good on her. It was light enough that it nearly looked natural.

He stepped into the hood of the car in order to stand in front of her, and just stared, thoughtlessly lifting his feet from the ground every few seconds. Her eyes went right through him, but he could almost pretend her secret little smile was for him.

"Hi, Zin," he said quietly. He knew she couldn't hear him, but he'd been rehearsing this for years. He needed closure, or at least that was what he'd convinced himself. "I've been looking for you for a long, long time. I-"

His speech was thrown off when she did something unexpected; she looked  _right_  at him. Her brow furrowed, and he gaped at her.  _My God, she can see me! Can she see me?_

Zin tilted her head to the side. Johnnie did it, too. 

"Zin?" he whispered, voice cracking.

But then her friend peeked out the front door and yelled, "Zin! I told you I wanted you to watch this episode with me, c'mon!"

"No!" Johnnie yelled, but Zin was already shaking her head and heading into the house.

Johnnie followed, scowling to himself and stepping right through the door when she unknowingly closed it on him. 

He found himself standing in the parlor - or living room, whatever - which was tastefully but simplistically decorated. There was a flat-screen TV currently displaying a pizza place commercial, and a wrap-around couch that was a shade of pretty pale blue, to match with the soft yellow walls and the white carpets. The whole house was soft and pastel in nature, like an Easter egg, or maybe that was just because Johnnie's view of the living world was so faded. Still, even so, the house felt decidedly more pleasant than any other living world building he'd been in during his time in Everlost. It felt like  _home_.

Pictures adorned the walls, displaying Zin and this blonde friend, who Johnnie realized with a start wasn't just a friend.

The two of them had curled up on the couch, Zin leaning into her  _girlfriend's_  side. Johnnie went to stand by the TV, just so he could admire them. He felt a bit like he was intruding, but they didn't mind, considering they didn't even know he was there.

It was a picturesque sight, the pair of them, sharing a blanket and looking like they'd both be content to spend the rest of their days like that. 

There was a tiny deadspot in the other corner of the room - cat? guinea pig? - and Johnnie had to stand on one foot to fit on it, but it was something. It gave him a chance to focus exclusively on looking at Zin, and not have to worry about pulling his feet from the ground every few seconds.

He spent a long time just staring at her, considering that whatever show they were watching suddenly ends. He wasn't sure if it ran for twenty minutes or an hour, but he knew he spent the whole time admiring her and her girlfriend, who was still nameless, since the only thing Zin called her so far were pet names. Johnnie had started calling her Blondie in his head, until he found out her name.

At some point in all his staring, he sat down, butt nearly falling off the tiny deadspot, feet danging so they were submerged in the ground. 

"You want a drink?" Blondie asked at some point.

Zin yawned. Johnnie wondered if needing sleep was still weird for her, or if she she was used to it by then. "Yeah, gimme a, uh, red one."

Johnnie frowned.  _Red one?_   Blondie stood up and went into the kitchen, walking by Johnnie as she did, and returned with a Pepsi. That made Johnnie laugh. Watching Zin pop it open and drink it was a bit tortuous, though. He hadn't had a Pepsi since he died. Drinks were impossible to come by in Everlost. Food was occasionally made with love, but drinks never were. Once -  _once_  - one of the Alter Boys had found a pitcher of lemonade that they'd all shared. Johnnie hadn't liked lemonade much in life, but at the time, it was the only drink he'd had in twenty years, so it was heavenly. 

That was over fifty years ago. 

If he could drool, he probably would've. Oh, how the living took their necessities for granted. Some days, when he stopped to think about it, Johnnie missed going to the  _bathroom_. It was an irritating but fundamental part of human life, but if Johnnie was given a second chance at life, he'd enjoy every trip to the bathroom he ever took, if only because it would remind him he was  _alive_.

Oh, and what he'd give to be alive.

* * *

He stayed with Zin for three days, mostly sat on that tiny deadspot. Occasionally, he wandered into her bedroom or bathroom, just to explore. Only when they were empty, though.

He learned that Zin's girlfriend was named Claire, and she was some kind of therapist, or maybe a trainee, considering her age. Johnnie learned that through context clues, and the framed diploma on their shared bedroom wall. She had a bachelor's degree. Johnnie wasn't an expert, but he was pretty sure that meant she was well-educated. 

More than anything, in those three days, he learned that, 1) Zin was  _happy_ , and had a near perfect life, and 2) he didn't mean to, but he _envied_ her. Intensely. Like most human feelings, jealousy wasn't a common emotion for Afterlights, but he undeniably felt bitter jealousy as he watched her go around doing meaningless fleshie things. It burned in her chest every time he watched her eat, or drink, or kiss her girlfriend. As much as he wanted to be happy for her, he also couldn't help it. She'd been given something the rest of them had been denied: a chance to grow up and live a full life. But why? Why did she get a second chance, when thousands others who probably deserved it more didn't?

Why did she have to be the last known ripper in Everlost, and the only confirmed one to ever successfully put something back in the living world? Had things gone differently at Graceland, maybe she could have crammed thousands of children back into the living world. It could potentially have terrible consequences, and it would undeniably be a mess, but maybe she could have given all those residents of Everlost a second chance - even if they'd probably all end up in Area 51 or something. No doubt the public wouldn't react well to thousands of dead kids being resurrected. Still, it'd be worth it, just to feel air in his lungs again - but it could never happen. Johnnie had to resign himself to that.

These thoughts began on the second day, but by the third, he realizes that things happen for a reason, and he holds onto that thought to keep himself positive. Zin was the lucky one who got another shot, because the living world needed Zin back. She'd go on to do something great, undoubtedly. That's why she'd been given a second chance. The rest of them, they didn't have a purpose in the fleshie world. That itself was depressing enough, but it was grounding. It reminded Johnnie that there was no sense in a dead kid day-dreaming about being alive. 

He tried to be positive after that. Thought about how lucky he was to have known her, and to have had the opportunity to befriend her. He decided he was proud, somehow, that he was the only one who'd gotten to see her as an angry little dead girl who was a little too obsessed with artillery,  _and_ as a beautiful young woman who had a girlfriend and a college degree and a house and a _life_. She got her happy ending, and it wasn't even the end yet. Even if he was jealous, goddamnit, he was proud as hell, too.

Once he came to that conclusion, he felt lighter. The only thing keeping him busy for years was finding Zin. It was all he thought about. Now that he saw she was happy, and he'd made peace with the fact that she was no longer a part of his world, he felt a bit lost, admittedly, but in a liberating sort of way. Like he was now free to focus on other things, to have other adventures that didn't involve hunting down someone from his past.

So Johnnie decided to leave. It was morning, and Zin and Claire were both asleep. He went into their bedroom, through the door, knowing he should knock, but also knowing it'd be pointless. He hadn't been in their room - or any other room, for that matter. It felt too invasive.

Feeling absolutely creepy, he went over to the bed. Zin was on the left, closest to him, and Claire was on the right. Claire had one of those sleep masks on, and was breathing soundly, curled up on her side. Zin, comically, had kicked the blankets off herself, and was sprawled out, snoring loudly, and looked crazy. She was in a full set of button-down pajamas, silk by the look of it, which were a deep purple color. Her hair was everywhere. Johnnie laughed at the sight of her.

He sobered quickly, watching her breath for a minute. He was starting to get emotional. "Damnit, woman," he said softly, touching a hand to her cheek, lightly, so it didn't go through her face. Zin didn't move. 

Johnnie squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the freakishly foreign sensation of tears welling up. His vision even blurred with them. He nearly laughed with joy at the strangeness of it.

He hadn't cried in eighty-seven years. 

So he let himself. Mindful of the fact that he was sinking, always sinking because this world wasn't his, he cried. Hell, Johnnie wasn't too tough to admit it; he  _sobbed_. 

Zin never moved.

With the ghostly memory of tears on his cheeks, Johnnie-O leaned forward and pressed his lips as tenderly as he could to Zin's forehead. She felt warm. Alive. She'd make fun of him endlessly if she knew he was doing this, but he figured he could tolerate her laughing and teasing him for the rest of eternity if it only meant hearing her voice directed at him again. 

He turned around and walked out of room. It would do him no good to linger.

Doors don't matter when your dead, but habit had Johnnie heading for the front door. Just as he reached it, something pink caught his attention, from the corner of his eye. He turned to look toward the kitchen, squinting. He could hardly see anything; only a small pink square on the refrigerator. Considering he had all the time in the world, he decided to go look at it. He'd regret it if he didn't, he figured.

It was a note, he found, written in the odd, slightly child-like writing of someone who only learned how to write rather recently. He had to squint again, because the already-faded note was even more washed out because he was on a different plain, but it was legible enough.

**Johnnie,**

**I'm going to keep this note on my fridge for the rest of my life, on the off chance you ever try to find me and are actually able to. Regardless of where I live, this note will be here, okay? You might not be able to communicate with me, but I figured I could try to communicate with you.**

**I won't lie, I miss you. And Nick, too. I wonder how you guys are doing all the time. If you crossed over yet. Being alive is amazing, and I'm grateful, but sometimes I miss Everlost. It's weird to think I'll never be able to come back. I'm too old now. When I die, I'll go straight down the tunnel. I think that's crazy. But anyway, I just wanted to say an actual goodbye. We never got to say goodbye all those years ago. So, goodbye. Thanks for letting me confide in you. Everlost was lonely, and honestly, so was my first life. It was nice to have someone to talk honestly to, even if our time together was brief.**

**I actually have a girlfriend now, and it's so awesome to be able to say that. She thinks I'm crazy, because I told her about you and Everlost and the fact that I was born in 1848, but she loves me anyway. And I love her a lot, and I'm damn grateful to be able to be with her. She actually helped me write this note, because I'm still not good at it, although she does thinks it's ridiculous. She says stop telling you she thinks I'm crazy, ha. She's really amazing. I'm really lucky. The living world has evolved a lot, Johnnie. It's beautiful.**

**I want you to know Everlost can evolve, too. Your world doesn't have to remain rooted in the past. You can change things, Johnnie. So do it, okay?**

**Thank you for helping me be myself. I hope you can be yourself now.**

**Your friend, Zinnia Kitner**

Johnnie smiled and touched the note, wishing his hand didn't go right through it and through the fridge behind it. Wishing he could take it with him, or at least mark it to show her he'd read it.

Then he caught sight of something at the bottom, in much smaller print.

**PS. Kinda cheated the system. I've intentionally destroyed certain stuff I'm attached to so it can cross over, just for you. When you find me, you can have it all. There's even an iPod, full of music I think you might like. You probably don't know what that is, but you'll see. It's all in the basement, which doesn't exist anymore, if you know what I mean. Enjoy, buddy.**

Johnnie gaped at the small writing. She could do that?

He looked down, then bit his lip. He had to sink down, but that wasn't safe to do recklessly. So he headed over to that living room dead spot and, feeling ridiculous, got down on his belly so he was balanced on it. Taking a couple deep breaths, and hoping the basement wasn't more than a few inches, he very carefully leaned forward until his head was submerged in the ground, and tried to look around. He couldn't see anything, and the weird phantom feeling of rocks and concrete in his face was just as unpleasant as he remembered. 

He lifted his head up and gasped for air he couldn't breathe, out of panic, rather than any actual suffocation. It was overwhelming, claustrophobic and terrible, but he wanted to find that basement. Needed to find it. 

So, needing a new strategy, he stood up, very carefully, then began sinking, slowly. He stood still until he was in to his waist, trying not to think about the terrible sensation. He grasped on to the dead spot with both hands, so he could hoist himself up. He was around five foot three - hopefully the basement wasn't any deeper than he was tall.

He was feeling desperate, anxious, and a little hysterical by the time he was neck deep and still didn't feel it. None of those were normal Afterlight emotions. He wondered if being around fleshies had made him more prone to experiencing fleshie feelings. Usually he was more strategic and calculated about things like this. Now, he could simple strain his body and hope.

Holding breath he didn't have, and ignoring his panic, he let his head sink under. Just as he was about give up, his feet suddenly hit something that was nothing. The crushing feeling of solid concrete had been replaced by the nothingless of an open area.

Johnnie nearly shrieked with delight, letting go of the dead spot instantly and wiggling to hasten his way down. His body slowly reemerged on the other side of the floor, and it felt a bit like how he imagined being born was like. 

Then his head came through, and he felt through air for a moment, before landing painlessly on something solid and firm. He opened his eyes. 

It was dark, only his only Afterglow lighting the basement, but he could easily make out heaps of stuff. Stuff that existed in Everlost.

This was it. Zin's gift for him. She'd planned this, like the genius she was. She'd somehow made sure to unconditionally love the basement of her house, then had it removed so it crossed into Everlost, and trusted it to catch all the other things she wanted to gift Johnnie - or any other Afterlight who'd stumbled across this treasure trove first. Thankfully, Johnnie seemed to be the first. 

He stood up and started to look around. There were goodies everywhere - food, electronics, musical instruments, toys. Some practical and large stuff, too, that Johnnie doubted Zin had intended to cross over; a bed, a couple of TVs, a love seat. There were also things that Zin had loved enough for them to cross over that had no use to Johnnie, like clothes and photographs. It was like an Easter egg hunt, digging through trash to find the treasures. The excessive amount of stuff lead Johnnie to believe that either Zin loved all her belongings way more than the average person - and he couldn't blame her if that was the case, considering Afterlights didn't have any of these things - or she'd found the trick to somehow convincing the universe she loved things she really didn't. That sounded a bit unrealistic, but knowing Zin, she could probably find a way.

Finding things that had crossed into Everlost was only hard because those things sank through the ground just like Afterlights did, only quicker, because objects can't pull themselves out. As such, finding something that had happened to land on a deadspot upon its crossing was extremely rare. This was genius, really. Johnnie vaguely wondered how many people had had their basements removed, whose basements were now chocked full of goodies. He could become a really successful finder, he realized, if he was the first to discover this. He could go around digging through basements for things to trade.

 _Or I could stay here,_ he realized suddenly.  _I can live underneath Zin, check up on her when I want._

Then he let himself acknowledge how ridiculous of a concept that was. She was alive, he was dead. He couldn't keep holding onto the living.

So he found a backpack, which was an obnoxious neon green and said "Claire" on it, and began to load it up. With food - he forced himself not to give in to how delicious a batch of brownies looked, or how refreshing a Pepsi looked - and with other items. He took all he could fit, knowing he could always come back.

Then he turned to look at the stairs that lead up into the house, although they seemingly lead to nothing. He hoisted the backpack up, then ascended upwards. 

He reemerged in the laundry room, where the door that once lead to the basement had been replaced with a door to the back patio. The lighting indicated it was now night. He'd spent a full day milling about Zin's treasure trove. It didn't surprise him, considering how time worked in Everlost.

Ignoring the voices of Zin and Claire coming from the living room - living room, he thought, snickering - he walked out through the wall and found himself in the modest backyard, which he had yet to see. It was cute, with lots of plants and flowers and trees and green grass. He wished he could smell it. 

So Johnnie started walking. Again. He briefly contemplated finding another skinjacker and asking them to communicate with her, but decided it was pointless. She was happy now. She didn't need him. She never needed him, but he liked to think that at one point she had needed his words and his friendship. That time had passed, but knowing the effect their talk had had on both of them made it so it didn't matter.

He began walking aimlessly, headed North but with no specific destination. Days passed, with nothing eventful happening.

* * *

 

It was a windy afternoon, somewhere in Illinois, when he came across a tanned boy, around his age, wearing a bright rainbow-colored tank top and several equally colorful arm bands. His black and purple hair was spiked up, rather ridiculously. He looked like a Greensoul, and he was huddled up on a small dead spot. 

Johnnie stopped in front of him, walking in place to keep from sinking. "Hey," he greeted him. "You look like you died at a parade."

"I did," the boy answered, grimacing, but it hardly spoiled his handsome face. "I - I was just standing there, and suddenly I was flying down a tunnel. I have a weak heart - well, had, I guess - so I guess it must've been that."

"Don't need a heart when you're dead," Johnnie replied cheerfully. He stuck a hand out. "I'm Johnnie. I've been here a long time, so I'd be happy to help you out some, show ya the ropes."

The kid took his hand and smiled as he got to his feet, and Johnnie felt something twist in the stomach, in a way he hadn't had in nearly a hundred years - since that boy in the candy shop. He swallowed hard, thought fast, and said, "I, uh, like your, um. Hair."

The boy smiled and touched it. "Thanks. Took a lot of hairspray and patience." He looked at Johnnie, then at where Johnnie's hand was still holding his. Johnnie held his breath, waiting for the boy to freak out, but he didn't look unperturbed. "Wow. Cool hands, dude. They're, like, bigger than my head."

Johnnie smiled and pulled the kid off of the dead spot, putting his other hand on his back when he wobbled. The kid watched the way Johnnie kept pulling his feet out and began to emulate him, and Johnnie grinned. "Yeah, it takes a bit of gettin' used to."

"In movies, I always wondered how come ghosts can go through walls, but not floors? And not that I'm a real ghost, and I see that we go through floors, too, I'm a little mad." The boy was frowning down at his feet. "Hollywood never gets anything right."

"We're not ghosts," Johnnie corrected. "We're Afterlights." At the kid's confused look, Johnnie began to walk, tugging his new friend along by the hand with him and feeling like he might cry. "C'mon. I'll tell you all about it."


End file.
